Friday, November 2, 2012

I don't know about you...

To start things off we need a little mood music (I'm not going to be 22 much longer, so I have to embrace it while I still can).

I was thinking today of how far I've come in a year. This time last November I was newly single (long story, don't ask), stressed beyond belief over grad school applications, suffering from migraines severe enough to land me in the hospital and just generally not in a good place. I'm a sensitive person by nature, when things are going bad in my life I tend to really get down because I feel so much that everything becomes personal (whether it actually is or not). 

A lot of what happened last fall was well beyond my control (or at least that was how I felt) and instead of being proactive I chose to let it all get me down and my personal life suffered  from it. Thank goodness I happen to have some of the most wonderful friends in the world, whose love and support gave me the strength to pull myself out of my funk and embrace the life I have. 

I learned a lot during that rough patch, but the biggest lesson of all is the one I am choosing to share with you today because it truly has impacted my life as I've moved forward.  I still have to work at it everyday but my positive attitude on life is growing and I would like to think I'm paying it forward. I no longer look at events in my life as things that happened to me, rather I choose to focus on the fact that they are simply things that happened. 

When a migraine strikes, it happened. I'm not the first person to ever get a headache, and it certainly won't be the last one I get. 

When a comment by a friend leaves me feeling slighted, it happened. It wasn't meant as a personal attack and it certainly wasn't a huge deal. 

When my professor confronted our entire class yesterday about an incident  with one irresponsible student at our clinic, it happened.  It wasn't targeted at me, despite my feelings that I was being called out. 

Embracing the event as it is, without passing judgement on those involved or reacting in a personal manner, removes a lot of the emotional clutter from my life. It is easier to keep myself on an even keel and save the reactions for the events that truly matter, rather than feeling worn down because I have invested my personal feelings into every little thing. 

It's not an easy thing to do, like I said I'm still working on it daily. But by taking the little things in life as they are, just little things, it frees me to take enjoyment from all the moments of good because I don't have to first recover from my emotional reactions to the bad. 

And that brings me back to today, where I can accept that I am happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time without being weighed down by any of those individual feelings. Because let's face it that's life, right?

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